I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize