Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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