I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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