so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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