You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize