Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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