Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
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Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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