I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
