4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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