worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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