As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
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And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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