So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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