Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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