So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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