Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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