I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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