so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
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i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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