forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize