He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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