if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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