idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
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Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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