So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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