The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "one day" and that day is not today
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize