if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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