dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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