Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize