So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
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What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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