If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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