i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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