proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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