well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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