Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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