How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize