I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize