my soul wont recognize me after tonight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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