I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
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According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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