Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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