Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize