Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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