For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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