Tell her she can't have a vagina
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
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I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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