my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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