My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
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he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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