Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize