she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize