I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
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Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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