I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
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I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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