I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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