Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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