Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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