It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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