What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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